revisit those thoughts in a new place.
Which is what I’m doing right now. It’s been a strange year. A year of ‘Look at!’s and ‘What, ho!’s. A year of cannot avoids. This year I turned 28. Somehow, things are erupting left and right, externally, but mostly (and most importantly), internally. It’s like everything is coming to a head. The dominoes are on their final leg.
So what do I want?
At one point, I thought it was a degree in Architecture. I felt I would have been happy if only I’d worked things out differently/tried a little harder/wasn’t such an ignoramus. I would have been in my final year now. But lately I’ve come to realize that my discontent springs from something much bigger than that. It encompasses my whole life. And started way before I thought, “You know what? I know what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to build awesome spaces.”
It’s not freedom. Although I thought that was it for the longest time.
That in all my awkward weirdness, in all my realness, I had the right to exist. My thoughts, my beliefs – they take up space. That I can and should stand up for what I feel is right. But I keep forgetting that. Sometimes it slips my mind.